Picture is Iceland February 2019
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Ice cream sundaes are attractive to eye, sweet to the taste and not good for your long term health. How do you spot the ice cream sundae in your life. I describe them as the too, too people. Too tall, too short, too rich, too poor, too fine, too ugly, too hot, too cool. They are as individual as any ice cream sundae and they come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. They all have one thing in common. They do not bring subsistence and substance to your life.
Their are people who have a life of ice cream sundaes. Every relationship they have is based on how good the person makes them feel. They don't look for anything deeper than that feel good experience. They try the different types of sundaes but they never look for the meat and potatoes type of person.
I have clients who when you look at their history you wonder? What were you thinking. How many times do you have to knock your head against that wall to learn. How many baby mamas, or baby daddies do you have before you learn to pick a better person? All ice cream sundaes are not created equal. Just because a person is an ice cream sundae to you doesn't mean that they are ice cream sundaes to the rest of the world.
An ice cream sundae adds something very individual to your life but when it is over are you better off? Did they bring you a quality experience? Or do you just have an ice cream headache. I have a friend that for years said that she wanted a certain type of man. One year we went to a party and the party was filled with exactly the type of man that she said that she wanted. Did she gravitate towards that type? No there was one man, literally one man who was her ice cream sundae and that is the man who got her number.
She was my lesson. She taught me that, for whatever reason we all look for our ice cream sundaes until we finally figure out that our spirits can not survive and thrive on fluff and sugar. Our spirits need substance which only comes from meat and potatoes kinda guy/gal.
This was orignally posted on January 12, 2010
What was I thinking then. What do I think now 2019
I was beginning to evolve in my own life. I was moving away from individuals that were my ice cream sundae and had a desire for a different relationship and more important "peace". Like many, I loved excitement I confused excitement with meaning. The meaning and value of relationships were something that I had to evolve into. My thoughts had been influence by introspection and observation. The ongoing drama made it hard to have clarity.
What do I think now. I enjoy the peace of my current life. I am generally happy, content and satisfied with my world. Now this did not come in 60 seconds or less it evolved over time. Having to transcend the frustration of unknown direction and choices influenced the evolution of change. I often think how different my life would be if I had remained longing for my ice cream sundae. I reflect on those choices that kept me in turmoil and not being able to see a way from the turmoil because I was addicted to the energy that comes from emotional drama.
I had a narrative that was confirmed by the media that "real" relationships were exciting. I don't know how a movie would sell that was filled with quiet moments of intimacy without the drama of excitement. There is something about quiet that made me nervous. Waiting for the next exciting or theatrical moment became a way of life. For those of you who recognize this path and don't know if change is possible. Change is possible when you learn to value something other than the external excitement and embrace the quiet intimate moments.
It took time, and patience to change my narrative. It took recognizing the value of substance over fun. Creating a different narrative means I could see different choices. I didn't have to remain stuck in my self created swap land, I could leave. The knowledge that there was/is something more substantive was my primary motivator.
If you are stuck and want to try something new no there are different paths that will lead you to different choices on your journey. I received a gift from transcending being stuck and experiencing the perspective of the quiet moment.
Thank you for listening to Conversation With Katherine and visit my website conversationwithkatherine.com. Have a great day and a great conversation in your life about Ice Cream Sundaes.