Picture of my shoes July-2019
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This is the first post in my book, A Gift From The Journey. I wrote this post as a response to an observation of a person who has a lot of drama in their life. I have been asked whether I think that stage two is boring. I find stage two to be peaceful. It is my belief that it is in Stage two where the real relationship starts.
The person that inspired my post on drama also inspired my writing this post on romance. When I was talking to my muse about their latest romantic drama, I said, "You are a stage 1 person," Now I need to explain what that means.
When I have a new romance, I call that stage 1. It is when everything is exciting. The person has no faults, and you are in various stages of like, lust, love. Stage 1 is what we see in the movies where lovers walk hand in hand. The men howl at the moon, the women swoon. It is an interesting stage. The person that likes drama loves this stage. I said that I would not discuss any relationship with her unless it was at least thirty days old. Now this might sound harsh, but stage 1 is not my favorite stage in relationships, I am a stage 2 person.
Stage 2 is when you know the person's faults and they know your faults and you still decide to stay and hang in there. Stage 2 can go on for decades. It is not the most exciting stage in a relationship. There may not be a lot of romance, but for me, it is comfortable. It is like a great pair of shoes that have been broken in and they are a comfortable fit. Stage 1 is like a new pair of shoes, cute to look at, but they hurt your feet. You keep waiting for them to stop hurting but you look so cute.
Stage 3 is the end and the end can come in minutes, days hours, years or decades.. Whenever the end comes, it is sad. Sometimes the end is unexpected. Sometimes the end has been coming for such a long time that when it does come it is anticlimactic . I hate stage 3. Now for the muse that helped me write my drama post, stage 1,2 and 3 can come pretty quickly. Like in less than a month. Now I don't think that my muse is the only person in the world that loves stage 1. Stage 1 is all about the new. New person, new habit, new like, new love, new sex. Everything is new, new, new.
Forget the new. For me-comfort, comfort, comfort. Stage 1 makes me nervous-all the unknowns. How soon will I start being comfortable? When will we have our first fight/argument? Will we get over the fight/argument, or will we break up? Too much drama for me. So give me a comfortable stage 2. I may not get the romance but I can never enjoy the romance in stage 1.
So, what is your favorite stage? Do you like the hot and spice romance of stage 1? The comfortable feel of stage2
Or is stage 3 your favorite so that you can have a new stage 1? You chose your style of romance. I am going to find a comfortable pair of shoes and go for a walk with my stage 2.
What Was I Thinking:What Do I Think Now-2019
When I wrote this post I was observing someone who had one romance after another in a very short period of time. With each new romance the person was certain that this was the one. So certain, it was hard to believe that they had just met the person. The person would talk about moving to where this new romantic interest lived. They talked about marriage. Each time after 30 days happened it was almost like the previous statements were never made. A new slate was started with the same old conversation.
I started thinking about how romance worked in my life and how did I behave when romance entered my world. I then started listening and observing others when they were talking about romance. This is where I came up with the three stages. My current thoughts are about how romance sometimes leads to love.
I remember observing this special couple who loved each other so well that watching them was inspiring to me. The love that they shared was accepting, kind, with an understanding of each others intentions and a soft impact when those intentions were misunderstood. After observing their love I thought about the love that I had observed in others. Some shared a love that was so loud that the decibel level was beyond my understanding of how could this be love. In observing their love it was not the decibel level that mattered to them it was the expression of what their meaning was in spite of how loud they expressed their love.
There can be private and public expressions of love. Some are genuine and some are a false facade that is designed to make others think that they love well. I remember a couple that publicly acted like the perfect couple. Privately there were broken hearts, private hurts and betrayals. Somewhere in their narratives it was more important to "act". than to "be" loving.
Yes, the style of romance may be different for many. The hope of romance, now, that usually is about the longing for love and connection